R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
So what's the moral standing on reading gay porn on your phone whilst sitting next to your 87 year old Grandma?
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
Randomize
