Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
if youre gonna throw up it might as well taste like christmas :S
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I just drank beer out of an old Vicodin bottle hoping to catch some residue. That's how finals week is going
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Randomize
