another moral hangover. fuck.
You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
I just looked at all of our spring break pictures... there's a guy getting a blow job in the background of the ones on the beach.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Saying he's good in bed would be like saying Soulja Boy is a good rapper, completely unlogical if you've heard him.
She somehow inhaled a tack last night, she's having surgery today.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
He made me promise not to describe his penis in detail to you....oops.
Randomize
