i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Sorry I drunkenly insulted your air mattress last night. You still could have fucked me on it though.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
we just talked about our morning and what we were doing for the day and he handed me the addies and i took $50 out of my bra in front of a bunch of frat guys. so the mornings going really well
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
And I just got smacked in the face by my cat. Apparently I'm supposed to be awake now.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Randomize
