Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
want the rest of his teeth to fall out while he slowly dies alone. Pretty sure I'm to the anger phase.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
One is full of apple juice. One is full of tequila. This is real russian roulette my friend.
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Im showing up stoned and in sweatpants. Because that is where im at in life right now. Sorry not sorry.
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
