did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
you tried turning the bar into a spelling b competition last night and every time someone couldn't spell something you would make them chug.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I made friends with the delivery guy because he had beautiful dread locks and was a Zelda fan. He texted me after he left saying he wasn't trying to be creepy but we should be friends. We're hanging out tomorrow.
How does this kind of shit happen to you?!
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
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