the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
And then you guys went on to show us ur sex positions from the before. Thanks
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
