someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
So....maintenance found the bullethole.....
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
