just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
Made out with a girl in a wheelchair and rode her around while I was blackout. On a new level.
I was dressed as bob Ross as this occurred
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Lol I screamed "GOT AN ORDER OF VERSACE TACOS UP" and the whole kitchen was just like who the fuck is this kid
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
Randomize
