you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
I woke up with his condom in my mouth. I actually use them now you should be proud of me.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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