Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i dont understand why you dont get why i love him. i opened the bathroom door and he had his penis in his right hand and a mcdouble in his left.
I was really sad when you left and cried. And i don't know what a face promise is, but apparently i made you make one.
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
If the world ends now I want you to know I was on my favorite toilet fighting the good fight.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
