Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Hooked up with my first aid and cpr teacher last night. She dressed as a lifeguard and brought me back to life. Beat that.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I woke up to a huge bag of McDonalds breakfast, a cup of coffe and Advil. The note read "yeah its a one night thing, but I felt bad so here you go. Thanks"
He just set a new unobtainable standard in one night stand etiquette.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
My mom is worried I'm not eating enough protein so she's sending me 48 cans of tuna. That's not a typo.
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