He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
I jsut got pulled over and passed the sobritaty test.
Good thing spelling doesn't count.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
So as your former husband, I get to give you away at the wedding right?
Went home drunk last night and peed on my Christmas tree, my mothers going to fucking kill me
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
Your trash is full of condoms and yoohoos what a great life we live
It began the way the best stories do—with some naïve jackasses in a place they had no business being at.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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