hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
Wow. He pulled out his dick and I swear I heard a thud from it hitting the floor.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
