I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
The holidays are too long. I always run out of adderall before I run out of family. you got any left?
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I dont remember you getting a condom thrown at you. I think I had a concusion
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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