How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
Randomize
