I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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