Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
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