my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
Randomize
