Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Dude just walked down the street literally wearing nothing but a small box around his waist carrying a case of beer. I want to live here for the rest of my life.
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Who knew you could get a drunk in public when jogging with your dog?
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
