there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
Randomize
