She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Apparently you make a good broom.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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