smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
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