What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
We watched Jurassic Park and they made me drink every time they saw or named a dinosaur. Do you know how many dinosaurs live in Jurassic Park? Lots.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
