i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
wicked high...have munchies. cherry flavor lube. problem solved.
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
I told the guy that if he didn't put enough pepperoni to earn the name " pepperoni feast", that I was gonna sue him for all he had. Believe it or not, that's all I remember.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
We've been watching Scooby Doo and having sex for the past 36 hours, so life is great
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
