No shame. Just smoked a bowl with a Norwegian. Feels like something to cross off a list.
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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