I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
i asked him to tell me something nice and he said "your vagina is really tight."
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
It's true- you can buy beer at McDonald's in France. I'm not coming back to the States.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Idk she didn't seem that weird to me but I had just eaten an entire tray of jello infused with liquor so I could be wrong...
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
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