First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
of course! give me a few hours to recover from chugging a 4loko out of a frisbee, and it will be rage time yet again
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
they have a video of him in his boxers making a snow angel in the hallway is his own vomit and coca cola.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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