he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
was i wearing any clothes at that point?
socks and a thong
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