i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
