My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
