so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
she never specifically said NOT to fuck her boyfriend so technically we can still be best friends
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
lets go to sea world and you can just hit on every guy in a wetsuit until you get lucky
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
Randomize
