Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I have no idea why I said that. I have no idea why anything happened last night, I broke my toaster making a egg. I'm going to quit drinking.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
