Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
why is my underwear the only thing i was wearing that smells like vodka?
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
