I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
I raided the fridge drunk the same time dad was eating breakfast
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
The point remains that this is the setup for some great stories
Or terrible, horrifying, traumatic experiences
great clearly means different things to us
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
I almost had sex in a public restroom last night in case you're wondering how much of a mess 22 is for me
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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