sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
You ruined the universe
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
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