Ryan Howard.... the only guy who struck out more than me this weekend
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
Had sex with the Irish bartender in Spain. So that happened.
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
