So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Its only 8 and she is already passed out
Perfect here is wht u do. Gently slip your index middle and ring finger into her butt hole but gently u dont wnt to wake her..let me know when ur ready for step 2
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Cute underage boy is in my house.
OH MY GOD. DON'T DO ANYTHING. WHY IS HE IN YOUR HOUSE.
I went limp when I heard her mom fart from her parents bedroom. It lasted longer than my hard on.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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