Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
it wasn't lemon gatorade
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
that was a gay-test. you passed.
with flying rainbow colors i hope!
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I don't remember him, but he's saved in my phone as "uh oh zbt"
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Please don't explain what tea bagging is to my mother.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize