Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
Ok I am NOT pregnant. I could shove coal up my vagina and my uterus would turn it into a diamond in a matter of minutes
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
Btw I puked in your glovebox
Randomize
