got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
