He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
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