Only in Alabama do they play hymns in a bar!!!
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
And we won't even have to pay the tab if we die AT the bar. So..win win.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
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