I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
Now he's trying to use the tornado warnings as an excuse to get head. Yeah, b/c THAT'S the last taste I want in my mouth b4 I die...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Randomize
