its like his balls were made of silver and he was trying to polish the tarnish off
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Their car went through the first bag of wine on the drive up...clearly 6 bags was not enough.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
