If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
