I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I kissed a girl and did not like it. Now I hate Katy Perry even more.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
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