...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
Randomize
