I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
bitch got booty called while we were making out. and then she actually left.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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