oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
Randomize
