So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
Yeah I made some freshmen feed me oddles of noodles and I passed out
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Its perfect, I supply the pot she makes the brownies. I love the culinary dept.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
