she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
she sang that "this little piggy song" to my balls. and somehow made it work, with me only having two balls instead of five.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
thanks so much for stopping me from telling him i want to have sex with him while i proceeded to hookup with the air.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
