You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
That was the night I realized I need to grow up and stop eating mushrooms with strange 40 year old men in convertibles.
I learned so much in Pittsburgh
I enjoy the company of your penis
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
