mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
party gras won. party gras always wins.
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Randomize
