these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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