How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
I've already come up with two plans that will probably end with me getting kicked out of here. You guys should come faster.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
K. The dog and I are outside. The Uber driver said "I hope he fucks the shit out of you"
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
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