Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
i realized my work ethic and productivity really improves if i masturbate on my lunch break.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Never again will we have slut saturday. Never.
you can't just make up for the fact that you broke up with me by tagging yourelf in my embarrassing facebook videos of you
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize