Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
Just a couple of adults talking about cum shots at 8am on presidents day
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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