I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
so just incase I die tonight I'm making a list of people that I don't want to be let in to my funeral
We name dropped you at the liquor store and got a ten percent discount!
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
You fuck like a mechanic. That is the universe telling you that is your true calling. Take this as a sign.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
