Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
