i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
someone to text and fuck? since when does that constitute a relationship?
since 2006
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
