Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
"The juvenile turned and faced the officer, unzipped his pants, placed a fresh cigarette in between his legs and preceded to light it with a match"
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
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