stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Couple in the hotel room next to me keep fucking. When I hear her get close I call the room wait for them to stop and hang up. If I'm not getting any tonight then no one should.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
Hey dude this is some next level no homo shit but im gonna get 2 tickets to the opera and go Hail Mary on this one girl. U take the extra ticket if i fail.
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
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