wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
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