Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
i feel like i got punched in the cervix. he's a little different in bed than i thought he would be..
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
So I've been thinking about this, and I've decided my bed is magic. Every time I change the sheets, a new boy is in my bed. I own the Sheets of Dreams-if I change them, they will come.
That's what every 12 year old basketball team needs; a drunk and hungover lady eating KD whilst cheering them on. Highlight of their lives.
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Randomize
